Working hard for something we don't care about: stress. Working hard for something we DO care about: passion.

"What the heck do I want to do with my life?" has been a pretty common thought lately.

 The other day, I was having a conversation with an old friend about what’s been going on in our lives. I’ve known her since birth, and we’ve always been really close, despite seeing each other less and less as we get older. She graduated last year with a degree in geological engineering and was working in a job in her field in Toronto for a while. But now she’s back in Kingston, and instead of her fancy job in Toronto, she’s working at a yoga studio. So naturally, I asked her if it was because she couldn’t find work in her area. She told me that it wasn’t that, it’s that she realized she wasn’t passionate about what she was doing, and didn’t see herself doing it for the rest of her life. So she’s taking some time to figure out what she wants to do, and working somewhere close to home so she can still make money.  And then she said something that caught me a little off guard. “Are you really passionate about teaching?” It was a pretty forward question, but that's something that has made us such great friends. Sometimes you need someone to ask you the questions you don't want to ask yourself. 

So I really thought about it, which is something I don’t think I’ve done in a while. Is this what I want to do with the rest of my life? Have I been telling myself yes just because I’ve put all this time and money into becoming qualified to be a teacher?  My roommate recently told me he’s excited for me to be back at placement, because I was always in a good mood then. Now, this could mean that I’ve just been a huge grump lately. Or, it could indicate that teaching makes me genuinely happy. I think it’s the latter. Teaching is what I want to do. But I think the aspect of it that I’m really passionate about is working with kids, and the relationship that you have the opportunity to make with these people. That’s what I love. I think it is so important to do something you love. As they say, “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life”
...(because they aren’t hiring in that field.) Just kidding, I’m still hopeful.

I’ve also come to realize that teaching grade 7 and 8 sounds like something that is totally up my alley. While I love physics and math, I took classes in a variety of subjects while in my undergrad (one of the benefits of the extra year, and enjoyed a lot of them, and was more successful than most of them than I ever was in my physics class. And I’ll be honest, I love crafts, and would love the opportunity to do that with students. I love the idea of having the opportunity to teach students more than just science and math, and interacting with them in other ways. Moreover, spending more time with students, and having chances to take them on field trips just means getting to know them even better as individuals. Having  all these guest speakers in has been a great experience. I love their honesty about the job, and the passion for it is so evident in the way that some of them speak. I did a 3 week placement in a grade 7 class in my third year, and that is by far the placement that I had the most fun at. Maybe it was just that they were such a great group of students, but it was a blast, and I can honestly say I learned so much from them. I know some say it’s more work, without the benefit of better pay. But let’s be real, is anyone really in teaching for the money?

I’m looking forward to the next couple of weeks at McArthur, and then back to Frontenac. I’ve recently found out I’ll be teaching grade 9 and 10 science, and a senior math class. I was really hoping for a physics placement (4 placements so far, and I’ve never had one in physics somehow), but the science will be a good experience, and will definitely challenge me. Plus, it makes the unit plans we’re currently working on super applicable! 

Life After B.Ed

Once again, life has astounded me with how fast time is moving these days. I must admit that I took a substantial amount of time off over the break (aka pushed school to the back of my mind and hung out with my family.) While it was great for my sanity, and I don't regret it, coming back to Queens I feel like I've been busier than ever. There's the usual school work of course, which for some reason seems to be more considerable in this block, but then there's job fairs and seminars on how to write resumes, and interviews. I feel like the pressure to find a job and find it now is on. I almost wish I had a break from school stuff to figure out my career. But I know life doesn't work that way.

I't's also caused me to think a lot lately about what I want to do when I finish here in April (which by the way is only 3 months away, which is terrifying.) I think my main issue is deciding where I want to teach. I love Ontario, but I'm not super tied to it. I love BC. I love new experiences. Do I want to go abroad? The decision-making and contemplating my future feels too much like "adulthood." It's pretty overwhelming at the moment.

We had a discussion in class recently where we all shared what our plans were for after our time here at Queens. I was looking forward to this discussion, because I'm genuinely interested in what my classmates plans are (especially those who don't plan on teaching in a traditional classroom.) However, the conversation to me at times seemed to be pretty dismal. It seemed to me like several people were feeling pretty disheartened by the current job market for teachers. I understand it isn't great, but there ARE jobs out there. I took an extra year doing my undergrad at Trent, so all the people I was originally in Concurrent Ed with have graduated already and are out in the real world. I've kept in touch with many of them, and what most have told me is that it's not as bad as they thought it would be. I know so many of them have teaching jobs (even a few around here!) So despite all the negative things we hear about getting a teaching job, and how "we shouldn't expect one for the next 5 years," I remain optimistic. I like to think that as a bunch of people who majored in physics, we don't fear a bit of a challenge. I'm a firm believer that we grow a lot more when we are challenged than when things are easy. So bring it on real world.

Identity crisis: Am I a teacher or a student?

I feel like I've had to spend the last three weeks switching from teacher mode to student mode. I know they tell us over and over to see this year "not as our final year as a student, but as our first year as a professional." Regardless, being back at Queens after placement, I feel like a student again. 

Practicum was excellent, and I learned so much. I also feel like I was busy. ALWAYS. I realized by about the 5th week, that teaching is something that you can always put more and more into, and you can tweak your lesson plans a million times, and think of so many different activities you want to do. I found myself going to sleep thinking solely about teaching, and if there were any improvements I needed to make. "What if I changed this part of my lesson? Will the students be engaged? Maybe I should try a different activity? Does my associate teacher think I'm doing a good job? Are my students learning enough? How can I make this math more fun?" I'm okay with it, because I love teaching and being up there helping students learn is such a good feeling. However, I realized that it also has the potential to consume your life in some respects. I noticed when I was on placement that there were several teachers who seemed to be experiencing what I've heard referred to as 'burnout'. In other words, they would just seem less happy everyday than they had at the beginning. Some were even taking time off for stress leave. 

It's important as a teacher to be passionate about your work! In fact in any job. Why do something for the rest of your life if you don't love it. Therefore, putting a lot of time into teaching is not something that I see as negative. It's good to want to be the best teacher that you can be! However, you have to know when enough is enough. You definitely have to take time for yourself, and make times for other things that you love. 

Being back at Queens has really exemplified how much less free time I had when I was at placement. I feel like I have way more time to do some things I was missing in placement. Having time to go to the gym, and knit things without feeling like I should be lesson planning or marking instead is a beautiful feeling. There seems to be less pressure when there is only one person relying on you for assignments to be handed in, as opposed to 30 students relying on you to teach a good lesson. However, I'm also finding that I'm struggling to see the purpose in a lot of the tasks I'm assigned in some of my classes now. Some are useful of course. However, I feel like I go through most of my classes and just hear essentially a repeat of what I heard in a lecture previously. I find it difficult to motivate myself to do assignments when I don't feel that they are worthwhile. Everything in practicum had a purpose, and I could see how it would help me grow as a teacher. I don't always feel that way about my classes. Oh well, some things in life can't be avoided!

So regardless of what my profs preach to me...I'm back in student mode. Writing papers, doing assignments, and attending classes.The one thing I find that differs from my undergrad is that always have my future in the back of my mind. There's a constant lingering questions that I think have come up now that I have time to think about them and am not swamped with lesson planning! Will I ever get a job? Is traditional teaching what I want to do? Where do I want to teach? I have so many questions it's overwhelming. It's almost frightening that there are only a few more months until I can stars pursing my career as an actual teacher! Adulthood here I come...

The Real Deal (AKA Practicum)

After weeks of roaming the halls of McArthur and learning about education and teaching techniques and practices, we were unleashed out into high schools to practice our teaching skills, and experience first-hand what it's like to be a teacher.

My first day at Frontenac was a welcoming one, with all the teachers in the math department greeting me and making me feel right at home. After a day of observing some classes, getting to know my way around, and learning some of the school policies, my associate teacher asked me if I wanted to teach a lesson tomorrow. My initial reaction was "whoa, I've only been here a day lady!" But of course I said yes. Why wouldn't I take every opportunity to learn and better myself as a teacher? That's what I'm here for right? I was provided with a ton of resources, and she gave me a good idea of what was the plan for the lesson the next day, so everything went well. The class I started out teaching is a grade 9 applied class. It became very apparent the first few days that these kids really struggle with math. But here's the catch- there are only 9 students in it. Sounds like a dream right? Well in some respects, it's definitely got its perks. With such few students, classroom management isn't a huge issue, and there is lots of time for individual one-on-one attention. Learning the students names was a walk in the park, and I've got to know each of them as individuals very well in the last 5 weeks. But sometimes I find that this number of students is too small. There are technically 9 in the class, but the number who regularly show up is around 7. It's quite funny with the 30 desks in the classroom, because I let them sit where they want. They all come in everyday and disperse themselves throughout the classroom. But one day they came in and all sat in the very back row by the windows.

I took on another class shortly after, and I was astounded at the difference between teaching the 2 classes. My second class was a grade 10 enriched academic one, with 30 students in it. Now, these kids are all pretty strong at math, and very into school. They are also very chatty, so it definitely gave me an opportunity to work on my classroom management skills. I'm so glad that I got to experience both of these classes. They both posed different challenges. The enriched students were full of questions, and wanted to know so much more than I ever had planned in a lesson. They really pushed me to explain the reasoning behind every math concept, and why they would use it in real life. It was a great learning experience! I also really worked on letting them figure things out for themselves in this class, instead of just telling them how to do things. My associate teacher encouraged this, and I think I got a lot better at asking the right questions to get them thinking about concepts and coming with ideas of how to do problems without me telling them.

The grade 9s were the opposite end of the spectrum. Keeping them engaged was one of the biggest challenges. Sometimes when I noticed they were being chatty during the lesson, I would tell them they could have 3 minutes to do whatever they wanted, and then we would come back to talking about math. If they were quiet during the lesson after that this was something we continue. I found it very effective, and when I had them write me comments on my last day, a couple of the told me that the appreciated our breaks.

I could continue to write about the last 6 weeks forever, but for now I'll say that overall, I'm extremely satisfied with how this placement went. I feel confident in front of a classroom, and I feel like I really grew as a teacher and a person.

Being educated to be an educator

Teachers. I’ve spent the last 19 or so years of my life surrounded by them. We’ve seen them all: good teachers, alright teachers, and then those exceptional teachers that really have an impact on you. And now I’m in teachers college, on the road to hopefully becoming one of them. The first few weeks of teacher’s college so far have been a bit of a blur. I feel like a sponge, trying to soak up all the knowledge that is, for lack of a better work, being dumped on me. Pedagogy, classroom management, professional practice, curriculum...it can be a little overwhelming at times. I know these things are all important, and that if I’m being taught them there’s reason behind it. I already feel way more knowledgeable about the theory behind teaching, and have ideas of how to theoretically be a good teacher. But that’s just it...this is all in theory. I can study, and read, and learn all about good teaching practices. But until I actually apply this and have some real life experience, I don’t think I can really call myself a teacher.

That’s why I found that teaching part of a lesson that we planned to our peers was probably the most helpful thing that I’ve done in teacher’s college this far. There were nerves at first. What if I made a mistake? My audience was all knowledgeable in physics; I didn’t want to embarrass myself. But after watching a few of my peers’ lesson plans, it was evident that everyone was in the same boat, and that there was nothing to be nervous about. Everyone makes mistakes. It’s been a few years since I’ve been out on practicum in a classroom, so teaching a lesson today was great. I think it made me feel more confident for when I am actually in the classroom, and it was great to get feedback from my classmates. Moreover, now I have 15 potential lesson plans for when I have a physics class of my own, since I’ve seen all these great lessons presented. I love the creativity that was involved in them, and there were some really good demonstrations and POEs. I could definitely see myself using some of these activities in my future.

Overall, it’s been a solid start to the semester, and I look forward to what the rest of the year has to offer as I continue on with my education to be a teacher.